How I Met a Producer for How I Met Your Mother.

I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this, but when I was younger, I wanted Brandon Tartikoff‘s job when I grew up. Now, if you don’t know who Brandon Tartikoff was, then you were likely a way more normal kid than I was. (If you’re too lazy to click on that link, for which I wouldn’t blame you, in 1981 he became the youngest president of NBC’s entertainment division at age 31.) What can I say, I was and continue to be fascinated with the behind the scenes of the television world. So when I learned that my sister-in-law’s [now former] tenant was a producer for How I Met Your Mother, one of my favorite shows OF ALL TIME, my head pretty much exploded, and then once we got that cleaned up, I was left anxiously anticipating our trip to Los Angeles for two reasons: meeting our adorable new baby niece and getting to meet this producer. Of course, by the time we got there, I realized if I talked to this guy, I would be at risk of winning some kind of Dork of All Time Award, so I just figured nothing would come of it.

Until.

Until my sister-in-law beckoned me over after our niece’s baptism and introduced me to two gentleman and said “She’s the huge fan!” OMG. Then I might have passed out. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall during this conversation, because while we were talking I just kept hearing a rushing sound in my ears. I remember enough to know that I pretty much demonstrated my total geekitude for television.

Producer: So what’s your favorite episode?

Zoo, thinking oh shit oh shit oh shit I know I’ve mentioned out my all-time favorite episode to people and now I can’t frickin remember what it was, just say something ANYTHING OMG SPEAK: Oh! Um. It’s so hard to pick. I liked finally finding out what the goat was all about!

Producer: Oh, the goat! Yeah.

Zoo, mentally kicking herself because THE GOAT? Really? God.

Producer’s husband: I think my favorite is the Pineapple episode.

Zoo: That one’s great! “Dammit, Trudy, what about the pineapple?!”* Jason Segel is hilarious. I loved one of the commentaries he did where he narrated himself undressing during the commentary and was hitting on the guy doing the commentary with him.

Producer: That really happened!

At some point the subject of their dog was brought up.

Producer: I was able to put our dog in some of the episodes, do you remember Murder Train?

Zoo: YES! The Foreskins!* “Because there’s four of us and we play with our shirts off, sheesh.”

Producer: Yup! Our dog was one of those during the news cast.

Zoo, trying to think of something to say: Well, I can’t think of any that I haven’t liked, I own all three seasons.

Producer: Great! Our last season is coming out at the end of the month.

Zoo: I KNOW! I already have it on my Amazon wish list.

Producer and his husband laughs.

Producer: Oh and don’t forget our season premiere is this Monday!

Zoo: Oh I already have my DVR set, don’t worry!

Producer’s husband: Wow, she’s a fan all right! You’re all over it!

Zoo, willing herself to stop being a dork: I do really love the show, it’s just so innovative and original! Like nothing else out there! (Which, if you’re paying attention, original = like nothing else out there. Awesome.)

Producer’s husband: Yeah, it’s the only show he’s worked on that I can stand watching.

Zoo: Oh, what else have you worked on?

Producer: Oh, nothing you’ve probably heard of. There was a show on a long time ago on HBO called Dream On.

Zoo: I totally remember that show!

Producer: There was also one called Veronica’s Closet.

Zoo: Oh yeah! Kirstie Alley!

Producer: Yup, and then there was also Ellen Degeneres’s second sitcom that went nowhere.

Zoo: Oh, the one with Chloris Leachman?

Producer and his husband: WOW. You’re good.

Zoo: Uh. Yeah. I like TV.

And then so on kind of like that and oh.meh.garsh. I am a dork of epic proportions.

Not five minutes after we said our goodbyes, I had Facebooked a status update about meeting him.

Two hours later, I remembered that my favorite all-time episode of HIMYM is The Bracket. For about ten seconds I considered getting the producer’s email from my sister-in-law so I could give him my real answer to the favorite episode question.

* It should be noticed I quoted these lines in the church. A CHURCH.