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Mr. Z: Is that really the name of the state fish of Hawaii?
Zoo: Yup.
Mr. Z: Can you say it?
Zoo: Sure.
Mr. Z: Say it.
Zoo: Humuhumunukunukuapuaʻa.
Mr. Z: Say it again.
Zoo: Humuhumunukunukuapuaʻa.
Mr. Z: Say it with your eyes closed.
Zoo: Humuhumunukunu –  you can’t even see my eyes!
Mr. Z: Say it backwards.
Zoo: It backwards.

Watch The Girl in the Cafe.

It’s not a tear-jerker. It’s not a LOL comedy. It’s not mega-dramatic. But what it is, is delightful. Bill Nighy, of aging rocker Billy Mack fame in Love Actually, does an amazing job as a down-trodden civil servant. And Kelly MacDonald is just absolutely freaking adorable. Yes, I have a bit of a girl crush on Kelly MacDonald.

So what you should know about me is that I have a savant-like memory for random and sometimes useless information: birthdays of people I knew 20 years ago, phone numbers, what day of the week it was that you got your pet fish, the coffee shop we stopped in at once six years ago, and the names of the actors in any movie I see and most movies I don’t see (which, honestly, is a lot; I rarely go to the movies).

What you need to know about my friend that we’ll call Stacie (because that is her name and she gave me her permission to use it) is (A) while she sees a lot more movies than I do, she never remembers any movie’s title or actor’s name in anything she’s ever seen ever, and (2) she will sound confident in what she’s saying no matter what.

A few months ago, we had this conversation:

Stacie: I saw a great movie the other night. I can’t remember what it was called, but it had Leonard Nimoy in it.

Zoo: Leonard Nimoy? He’s in a movie that’s out now?

S: Yes! It was really good.

Z: Was it Star Trek? :P

S: No! It was about his daughter being abducted…

Z: Really. The guy from Star Trek. He’s in a movie now. Leonard Nimoy. Are you sure?

S: YES I’m sure. Oh! Taken. it was called Taken.

Z, staring incredulously at S: Dude. That’s Liam Neeson.

S, after a pause: Which one is Liam Neeson?

Z: NOT the guy from Star Trek! He has an Irish accent. Was in Love Actually, he was the voice of the lion in that Narnia movie we saw, he was Oskar Schindler. He’s probably 20 years younger than Leonard Nimoy.

S: Nope, no idea. Who is Leonard Nimoy again?

Z: OH MY GOD.

::::::::

Needless to say, I have not let the Leonard Nimoy thing go AT ALL.

Earlier Stac and I had this conversation:

Zoo: I saw 13 Going On 30 the other day and am embarrassed by how much I enjoyed it. But I think I could see almost anything with Jennifer Garner and find it delightful.

Stac: My actress like that is that chick from that Shopaholic movie.

Z: Really? I didn’t think she’d been in that many movies.

S: Oh yeah. I love her. She also has a singing career.

Z: Really? Isla Fisher has a singing career?

S: She’s in one of my favorite movies of all time that came out a long time ago. I can’t remember what it’s called. Love that movie.

Z: Isla Fisher?

S: She plays a baker and her mom tries to set her up with someone.

Z: Isla Fisher. The one from Wedding Crashers. The girlfriend of the Borat dude.

S: Yes! I need to look up the name of that movie. What’d you say her name was?

Z: Isla Fisher.

S: How do you spell that?

Z: I-s-l-a. Fisher.

S: Oh I know how to spell Isla.

Z: HAHA

Zoo waits while friend googles Isla Fisher on her very slow computer. One minute later (because I’m patient): Oh I’ll just look it up already.
looks up Isla Fisher’s filmography on imdb.

Was it Out of Depth? Not likely since her character was “Austrialian girl #1.” The Wannabes? Random Acts of Intimacy?

S: No. No. No.

Z: Was it Definitely, Maybe.

S: No, it wasn’t that recent. Like four or five years ago.

Z: The Lookout? The Pleasure of Your Company?

S: No.

Z: Are you SURE it’s Isla Fisher? And not Amy Adams?

S: I AM SURE.

Z: Because. You know. Leonard Nimoy.

S: I’M POSITIVE.

Z: OK. Was it a tv movie?

S: Where are you looking at all this?

Z: imdb.

S: What’s imdb?

Z: OH MY GOD. The internet movie database. imdb.com. Look it up. It’s awesome.
pauses
Are you SURE you’re not thinking of Amy Adams? They look a lot alike, same red hair.

S: I don’t know who Amy Adams is. Let me look her up.
pause

No, they look nothing alike. What was that girl, that Piper chick, who was in that movie, about the bar, where they got up on the bar and were dancing? Piper something?

Z: Coyote Ugly.
brings up Piper Perabo’s filmography on imdb to compare the two lists of movies

It doesn’t look like they’ve been in any movies together, and imdb has never let me down before.

S: What’s the Piper chick’s last name?

Z: Perabo.

Stacie looks up Piper Perabo on imdb.

Z: Was it Perception? Flowers? Perfect Opposites? I’ve never heard of these movies.

S: No.
pause
Because I said so.

Z, thinking: Because she said so what? Trying to remember what she had said before that would need such an emphatic follow-up.

S: Hello?

Z: Yeah?

S: Because I Said So is the movie.
clicks on movie link to see list of actors

Mandy Moore. It’s Mandy Moore. Mandy Moore is the chick I love.

Z: OH MY GOD. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

S: Who is Isla Fisher again?

Z: OH MY FUCKING GOD. You did it to me again. YOU SAID YOU WERE SURE. OH MY GOD.

S: Sorry, dude.

Z: Because I Said So only came out TWO years ago! OH MY GOD.

S: I suck.

Z: You realize I’m going to have to blog about this, right?

Email

zooaskew[at]gmail[dot]com
August 2017
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I said what?